The Story of My Life

I am just a 17 year old girl. I’m the type of girl who grew up in Sunday School guided by the Word of God. I can say that I’m excelling in academics since I was elementary and high school. I graduated in grade school at the age of 10 and 14 in high school.

Since then, I was unaware that praises of people started to subdue my heart and mind.

It feels like I need to be always on top.

That I should be the one who is excelling.

That I should get the highest scores in all of my exams.

That I should be proud of myself.

Until that day came.

The day when I was so devastated and disappointed of myself.

The day that I felt worthless.

The day that negative things controlled my mind.

The day that I felt hopeless.

The day that I felt the time was moving slowly.

The day that I can’t sleep at night because of overthinking.

The day that I can’t even talk.

The day that I felt my dreams were shattered.

The day that I felt so wasted.

And the day that I thought of ending my precious life.

Those days of my life were the toughest days I had experienced in my entire life because I experienced Anxiety Depression.

But, that made me realized that I can’t do all things on my own.

That I can’t please everybody.

That no matter how good I am in all things, there is something I am weak at.

That no matter I want to be perfect, we can’t really be perfect because no one is perfect.

On that day, I asked God, “Why? Why did you let all of these happen to me?” I was crying hard and I felt the tears flow in my face.

I got no answer from Him.

I doubted Him.

A girl who was always attending Sunday School every Sunday doubted God.

A girl who is a God’s servants daughter hesitated to trust God.

Ironic isn’t it?

But God just loves very much that he didn’t let me kill myself.

He loves me so much that He made realized that I need Him.

He loves me so much that He revealed His plans for me.

He just loves me so much that He made me feel special.

Even though, I lack trust.

Even though, I felt so sinful.

Even though, I felt worthless.

Even though, I couldn’t love myself.

That’s how God’s love works for a sinful person like me.

Since then, I surrendered all the aspects of my life to Him and promised to let Him use my life in bringing glory to Him.

Because His ultimate purpose for humankind is to praise and worship Him and not to serve ourselves.

Since that day, the following days made me feel like I was floating in the air. It was the most amazing feeling I had ever felt in my whole life and I knew, that was Jesus. His joy overflowed in me that I couldn’t even contain it.

If I choose to quit, if I choose to end my life, maybe now? I am in the burning hell feeling the hotness and everlasting pain that it gives.

Thanks to Jesus! Thanks for the cross. His death made me worthy to live and enjoy life with Him.

Now, I am living and will live for Him until that day.

The day that I will be with Him.

The day that I will see Him face to face.

The day that I can hug Him tight.

The day that I can’t wait to happen.

Today, I am currently a Sunday School teacher in our beloved church and a cell group leader in which I am handling  14 youths. I am not doing this to give glory to me, but to bring honor and praise to the One who saved me by sharing Him to others.

“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” Philippians 1:21

This is my story.

I was just a girl who was once felt worthless and hopeless but there is One who made me feel that I’m precious to His eyes.

You? What’s your story? Is it worth telling to others? For me? Yes! Because through God’s work in my life, I am proud to say that for it is by His grace that I have been saved!

Fellas,

“If you want a life that is WORTH telling, give your life to the ONE who is WORTHY. Give it to God the Mighty One.”

GODBLESS! 🙂